What a Year...

2016. Wow, what a year. Probably one of the toughest years I've experienced, if I'm being honest.

I don't think anyone gets married with the intention of getting divorced. I never thought I'd be in this situation. I never imagined circumstances in my life would warrant a divorce, yet here I find myself. I won't go into detail, because there are two sides to every divorce.

I was TERRIFIED of being divorced. There's a stigma attached to it. Anyone going through or who has gone through a divorce knows what I'm talking about. The "auto-response" from my close friends that I've talked to has been, "Oh , my... I'm so sorry."

My response to this is usually, "Well thank you." You see, I don't want to shock them. Here's the truth: I'm relieved to be getting divorced. When things have been wrong for quite some time and you've done everything you can to mend it but it's just not working... the decision to get a divorce opens the dam of stored up relief. All of the fear, guilt, and anger gets washed away.

Not to sound callous about this... because I'm not calloused. The fear, the guilt and the anger still come back. It's natural to feel these emotions. But the relief... oh, the relief! There's freedom in it.

I believe there are consequences for divorce. I know that I'm breaking a vow I took before God and family. I'm prepared to see what God has in store for me. I'm prepared to live my life in service to Him. My wife and I have gone separate ways. It's what we needed to do. I will not hide from it. I will not live in fear or shame.

I will not flaunt it either. I will maintain dignity and respect. I will be a child of God and recognize the children of God. God loves me no more than anyone else. I will not treat anyone like a doormat. I will not be a doormat. I will be a child of God. I am loved. I love.

Reflections on Coming Home & God's Grace

Having moved away from home for an extended period of time and now returned, I find myself reflecting on what it's like. The truth is, I don't know what it's like being home. It's still too new, I'm still feeling things out, still trying to find a groove and "get settled in."

It was nearly 9 years ago that I left Michigan for Texas, and a lot has happened. This new perspective is strange... The realization that life does not start and stop at my convenience. People's lives progressed in my absence. My life progressed while I was gone.

A lot happened over the last 9 years. In church today, it hit me... It's hit me before, but today it hit me in a new way. God's Grace happened while I was gone. You see, there's been a remarkable change in me, and it really wasn't to my own credit. Really, it had nothing to do with me. I finally just got out of God's way. I surrendered... I joined the winning side. God's grace worked in me, and as a result, I work for God. Not perfectly, often not humbly, but it's there... The realization that I owe everything to Him. So I put in work for Him, in the way someone showed me how. I make myself available to help others... Others who have experienced what I have experienced and can't see a way out.

I'm flawed. My flaws are severe. They are defects of character that only God can remove. I can be the light of Jesus. But it's not me, it's Jesus. It's Grace that makes it all possible. I need you to remind me, lest I forget.